Moving over!

I have loved sharing with you my thoughts on all things adoption, Christian parenting, and navigating this life through faith. I hope you continue to follow me as I move my blog over to WordPress. Same thoughts spilling over the keyboard just a different format.

Follow me over to http://thehopkinsfam.wordpress.com

See ya there!

Kelly

Camper daze

Someone recently asked me if I was cropping my photos poorly. Truth is, I can't identify our foster son right now so this is what we can share with our friends online.

 Both of our son's experienced their first overnight camps this summer. Our foster son got to experience a camp structured solely for other foster and adoptive children his age. Later, they both got to travel, along with this mama, to a Royal Ambassador's camp while I was the official campus photog. that week.

Our foster son led the prayer here with his brother and friends who joined him at camp during Worship.

We prayed this first extended time away from us, a full week's worth from his family, would be a blessing to our foster son. Days full of laughter, memories, understanding that there are other foster children like him – 8,020 in Georgia to be a close estimate – would give him a fresh perspective on what God has in store for him despite the challenging circumstances he has had to stumble through in his short life.

We prayed that he wouldn't have any anxiety that we might not be here for him when he returned, that when he laid his head down at night he knew we were waiting for him at his home sweet home. Unfortunately, too many times before he met us when he or a foster family left for a period of time, the next thing he knew he was returned to a different address. Issues were sugar coated or he was shown that's how you deal with hard seasons, you just walk away. Not us, big boy. We are here for you – always. Family sticks it through, works it through, and prays it through – we will always walk together toward the Lord's leading.

Two days in to the camp week for foster/adoptive kids our other son said, "I sure do miss the lil' guy, or the big guy in my case!"

And two days before camp began, our foster son had gotten frustrated at emptying his seat in the car of things he made at another camp because it would take two trips in to the house.
That turned into 1 1/2 hours of tantrum while we had friends we haven't seen in 2 years coming over for dinner.  Of course, when we break down it's always perfect timing, isn't it? He threw every verbal and physical threat at us he could and finished with packing his bags, not for camp, but for good because he was done with us – the expectation of cleaning up after himself felt like too much to him.

And this isn't the first time this has happened. How do you ever put away emotions you feel from your life being turned upside down? You don't, but we are all trying to help him discover better ways to respond, and learning quite a few things for ourselves through his therapy. When he came home to unpack his camp bags we asked him to also unpack his other belongings he packed up in a fuss and he did just that.

He's learning you don't just walk away in the hard seasons. We are all learning how to love unconditionally together; how to keep from hurting one another with words or actions no matter how we are feeling; that it's OK to feel feelings, no matter how big – it's how we respond that matters most.

And for the week of Christian R.A. camp both of our boys were away with me, there were many new traditions and transitions to learn from and grow through as well. For one, I was often visible on campus, but not accessible because I wanted them to draw close to their fellow cabin guys and counselors. I was able to join them for Mission, Worship, meals, and activity time at times letting loose and having fun through a child's perspective along side them. But how sweet were the words to my heart when my foster son would notice me in a canoe on the opposite side of the lake and he called out "MAMA!" and the words echoed across the water ripples. I know I'm not his only mama in his heart, but I treasure our relationship and that role that God has called me to for His precious one. Our children aren't really ours anyway, the Lord has simply trusted them in our care and arms to raise them for His purposes. They are all His. And He is theirs.

Worship by the water – learning characteristics of our Lord like "Father"

I treasure these sweet times with them – the good and the not so good. Because we all learn through every situation as we learn how weak we are, how much we need Jesus Christ. Now in the moment when it feels like turmoil I may have a different answer, but when I look back on all we have grown through together my heart smiles and I know God's does with mine.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Happy one-year anniversary my son

One year has passed since you, our son, moved into our arms and home. With all that we have experienced, grown, conquered, blossomed, and learned together it feels like many more moons must have come and gone, but in some senses it seems just like yesterday too.

Love at first sight
I remember sitting in an office with a big conference table waiting to meet you for the first time. As I looked around I wondered why a room used for introducing children to a family had gray walls and a big wood table. I imagine a bright room with a comfy couch with books and stuffed animals – would feel less intimidating, don't you? So as we sat there along with several other adults who had titles like County Case Manager, County Supervisor, Therapist, and Foster Care Specialist, we just wanted our title to be Parents to you – you who needed a safe and loving place to come home to. We soon spotted a pair of shoelaces and the tips of your shoes because you were hesitant to reveal your handsome face to yet another new family. We understand you have already been through so much before entering foster care and you were tired of meeting new faces who wouldn't stick around very long, after all we were family #6 not counting the family you were born into. Your big, brown eyes finally rounded the corner and we encouraged you to sit in a chair next to us. You know daddy has many skills, one being his origami which you have always loved. You were very impressed with his flying swan he made and quickly showed us a new paper popper you had learned that day at school. The paper was a heavy cardstock and bigger than all of our faces combined so it was a very loud pop that rang outside that conference room which broke down walls with laughter. As we began talking with you about the work you were showing us from school you asked if you could draw a picture of us in your journal. You are quite the artist you know! Our hearts melted when you showed us your drawing of all four of us (including the brother you haven't yet met, but were excited to meet) playing Beyblades. We later enjoyed lunch together and said bye to you for the day until we came to pick you up the following day to spend the weekend together.

That first weekend we introduced you to all your new surroundings, hoping while you got to see your new room and neighborhood that you were learning a little about us too. It was the perfect weekend – just lots of one-on-one time and hanging out as a family. That Sunday on Mother's Day you got to meet your brother for the first time. Your big brother couldn't contain himself, he was so full of excitement and immediately handed you a bracelet that matched his. Later you gave him a bracelet of yours that said 'Best Friends Forever' and since then you both have formed what you boys call a sweet "brothership". You love like brothers and you fight like brothers; you back each other up,  take care of one another if one is hurting in some way, and pray for one another. A week later after school was finished, on May 18, you moved in officially. I am so thankful I was able to take off four weeks from work to invest in you minute-by-minute during your first summer with us. What a joy those memories we shared together are!

Love sees through the layers
As time passed you slowly opened up to us about things you deal with on a daily basis that unless healthily expressed we don't realize how deep your pain can be. Hopefully you know by now through thick and thin we are here with you. Just like daddy explained to you in Fall when we were wandering through a corn maze together, the corn is sweet and golden on the inside which we find when we pull pack the layers of husks covering it. The husks help the corn grow, but it must be peeled back so we can enjoy the fruit. We know it hasn't been easy to live in the world you have been a part of, but bigger than you and your past and future is your Savior Jesus – He is with you always sweet boy!

What a year this has been for all of us as you and your brother learn to share life with someone more than yourself and as we learn as parents to guide the two incredible children of the Lord we have been given. Though you were first seven years old when we met you, we have enjoyed many of your firsts with you!

These are a few of your firsts ever:
• Being a part of a church community
• Learning to swim
• Interviewing on a radio show
• Learning how to spend time with Jesus
• Keeping three banks for your hard-earned chore money: Give, Save, and Spend
• Being wowed at Disney World
• Surviving your first bad roller-coaster experience which made both you boys cry: Space Mountain and your favorite roller-coaster experience which you rode several times: Mt. Everest 
• Reeling in your first catch when fishing
• Trying out sports such as Tennis and Soccer
• Living it up at summer Camps at a nature center and the Humane Society
• Enjoying your first Minor League Baseball game
• Scoping out Stone Mountain 
• Jamming to your first music concert and getting an autograph: Jamie Grace• Exploring with Cub Scouts
• Learning how to roller skate
• Having a sleepover with friends
• Being a part of a couple mission projects locally to give to other foster children; and internationally as you filled a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child
• Asking Jesus into your heart! Getting Baptized!
• Dying eggs at Easter
• Seeing the beach, smelling salt air, and playing in the ocean 

Wow – we've had some incredible times! Thank you for allowing us to see you, really see you as Jesus created you to be. Many times you shine with your love, humor, tenderness, thoughtfulness, strength, and His light from within. Some times we walk through harder days together and that's alright to feel all the feelings you do – we love you and see your light still, even on the cloudy days. You are God's child of light to us. Thank you for trusting all of you to us. It's just been a year already – I can't even fathom what the Lord will be teaching us as we continue to walk side-by-side together my sweet son. And though we still wait for the legal finalization of adoption, you will always be a part of us. Always – Google x Google + more whatever you say!
"But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

I love you son.

Love, Mama

Living out of a suitcase

Though we try to make our days "normal" for our family of four, we still find it filled with a slew of appointments or putting out fires for and with our foster son – truth be told, I often feel like my foster son's full-time secretary of defense and calendar planner. As parents we are called to fight for what's best for our children and sometimes we are heard, or see steps toward healing and progress, and sometimes we feel like we have experienced a setback. 

In the midst of trying to make our days feel normal I often get shook up by surprise. Sometimes it's a phone call telling us something we have understood is no longer valid – that's when the rug feels pulled out from under us. Sometimes it's a moment when our foster son reminds us of his past through his fierce behavior or even in a sweet time we share.

Just yesterday, as both of our little guys were packing their suitcases for a weekend visit with friends so that we can celebrate our wedding anniversary, I popped my head into each room to see how they were coming along. (Packing is a step in many ways which we are giving our boys more responsibility for themselves.)

Our biological son finished quick – and I should've known there was a reason to that rhyme. He is a master at taking his time with most tasks. He filled his suitcase with clothes from his dirty laundry basket – underwear and socks included! Seriously? Where have I gone wrong with this child I thought. Most days we find ourselves enamored by his intelligence and imagination ... why does he think dirty clothes is a smart way to pack?

Then I popped my head into our foster son's room and he was zipping his suitcase up. I double-checked his packing job and it was perfect. Everything he needed for the weekend and a few extras. He is a very smart child as well yet opposite of his brother in some ways – doing most things quick and right the first time. I pulled out my camera phone and told him I wanted to take a picture of each of them with their suitcases to remember the first time they've ever packed by themselves. Then my world slowed down all of a sudden with our foster son's response, "This isn't the first time I've packed a suitcase." Wow – I stand corrected. Flashbacks of him sharing his transient life before coming to live in our arms are suddenly remembered. 

No wonder our biological son doesn't know that dirty underwear and socks aren't great options for packing. I have always packed for him and washed his clothes before we gave him these added responsibilities. 

And no wonder our foster son packed so perfectly – he has moved through five families while in foster care before moving into our home. He has told us of his many moves his biological family made in his short years before that too. Then another memory of him sharing his fears early on strikes my heart again. He once had questioned if he moved back home, where would he go? How would he get all of his stuff on the local bus? How would they get the money they needed for gas, to wash clothes, and buy food? Many months ago we found him still hoarding onto new clothes and toys we have given him because he was saving it for the next place. He wanted to be sure to have a nice outfit with the tags still on. We have showed him that he needs to enjoy these things, eat the food we have and when we run out or gets worn out it can be replaced. Just because it's gone doesn't mean it's gone forever. Just because I went away for a work conference a couple weeks ago for three days doesn't mean I am gone forever. Just because there may be family issues that arise where one of us may have showed frustration doesn't mean you have to fear safety or protect yourself. We always are connected by our heart strings and unconditional love which God modeled for us. Needs can be restored and we always return as a family.

He doesn't have to hold on to those fears in our home, but the memories are still very strong remnants of what his life path used to look like. I asked him to place his hands in mine and as I looked into his deep, beautiful eyes. I tried to go deeper with him to reflect his feelings of what it was like to live in such a transient world. All he could muster up in that moment was say his memories are of sad and scary times. I reminded him that we hope the last time he has to pack to move to a family was the time he packed to come into our arms. With possible adoption rounding the corner, we hope this step will help him feel more secure as he hopefully becomes a part of our family legally in the Fall which can't come soon enough.

Marking growth on a paint pail

When you welcome an older child into your home there are many times when you have to decide how to celebrate new memories of family connections together. There also are many memories from their family history, though often times painful, all shaped your child before they came into your loving arms.

Conversations of these memories arise around holidays and special events, or a memory can be triggered by the smell of the changing seasonal air, a car that drives by, or music that we are singing our hearts out to on the radio. A school project of the family tree or when you must describe what love is for Valentine's Day, are more of these situations where memories are dug up – what does our child choose to do? Does he remember his good and bad memories with his birth family, or does he paint those times as rosy and ideal, or does he celebrate his new family, or all of it? These are difficult waters for a child to navigate and they come pounding the shores very often.

Sometimes a memory pops up while we are on a family bike ride having a blast conquering challenging trails – and then the world suddenly stops for a moment, for him, for all of us. He's sad or he's angry – and so we help him through those times and try to point him toward Jesus who is the only one who can bring complete restoration, healing, and forgiveness beyond what we think we can do on our own.

So here we are with a special holiday around the corner. It's nearly Easter and I'm reminded while it's about new life, our foster son is learning that new life doesn't mean forgetting the past. It simply means choosing to allow the past to no longer have control over his spirit and giving it to the Lord – he struggles with this; we all do, don't we?  Breathe that in, deep breath, come on – we all have a choice to choose new life offered to us from the Lord who sent His son to die for us 2,000+ years ago. We are given new life eternally by Christ paying for our past and future sins, way past the times and troubles of this world. It's so simple, yet we make it so hard, don't we? Our son remembers what he chooses and is working on moving forward in allowing the Lord to bring him through healing and becoming part of the Lord's grand purpose He has for his life.

This week we have been prepping an old paint pail to paint our foster son's Easter bucket.  I did the same years ago for our other son and as always our foster son is excited to be a part of family tradition. I explained how he will add his growing fingerprint to the pail each year, sort of like a yearly measurement chart marked for growth and memories.

His yearning to belong longer than he's been in our arms becomes more and more evident with the passing days. He shared with me this sentiment, "I want to go back and add one fingerprint for each year, like I was here already growing up. I wish I was born from you guys so I wouldn't have to have adoption." He has an ongoing desire to make up for missed memories, a bittersweet thing to hear as a parent, because although we can't change his past we are here with him now to help him rebuild and start fresh memories, new life. And so I let go of the type-A side of me, which thought we can't pretend add fingerprints because he wasn't living with us until 2012. Instead I wrapped my arms around him and told him we can add as many fingerprints/years to his Easter pail as he wants to. I reminded him that God knew all along he would walk into our arms and lives and so we will celebrate his pretend marked growth as if he was always a part of our family as he so desires. So we've got the paint pail cleaned out, the base layers painted, and I've got to find time to complete it's details, but the most important elements are there – the fingerprints and pretend corresponding years, and the love that's bonding through these new memories.

I often feel that same way, if I could really let go of past pain and only mark the good memories, but if I am to really mark true growth, it would include the harder memories too. Pain can shape us, giving us negative perspectives on trust and relationships. Pain can drive us to fear, anxiety, anger, depression, and darkness. However, one of Jesus' close followers, Paul, during his persecution for his belief in Jesus as the one and true God, shares how to allow the more difficult days to mature us in our faith in God who is greater. He tells us to "give glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5: 3-5) If we lay our past pain and strongholds on our lives at Jesus' feet He will shape us, rather than allowing those negative events to take hold of us. 

Easter is a reminder that nothing can conquer our Lord; not death, not our past pains, not our future mistakes, nothing. He is greater and the Lord adopts us into His family if we are willing. We hope our foster son will learn to let that reassurance seep into his soul while we mark new healing memories together.

Depth Perception

While working away on any design project at work, I often tune into podcasts that integrate enough background noise in my environment to keep me refreshed while sitting at a desk, but it's intentional noise that tunes me into the heart of God all day.

And so this is what I've taken away from my recent time with God, podcasts, and last week's sermons I've heard at Sugar Hill Church (see "From Victim to Victor" here). In the midst of living out my faith blindly, really blind, and seemingly against all odds of what today's culture says, I'm choosing to remember:

• God wants to restore our depth perception. (See, the photo progression above illustrates how as my thumb gets closer to the eye my visual or perceived problem doesn't seem so big. Just as the framed quote suggests, "the real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." I'd like to add a very important spiritual element to Marcel Proust's wise words. Just as we get closer to the Lord, our problems don't seem so big – it's all about depth perception.)
• God is bigger than anything we or our children are going through.
• Denial in what is going on is not the same as living with faith.

We got some very big news last week for a step forward along this adoption process. A couple on answers we have been praying over for ten months, but with the excitement also came a wave of anxiety as all the what-ifs started swirling in my head. Phone call after phone call with authorities don't seem to help me put all the puzzle pieces together yet, instead it brings more questions.

I want to teach my children and live my faith out choosing to not live in fear of our individual history or the unknown future. To do this, it's key to place ourselves in a position close to the Lord daily so that our depth perception of the what-ifs is so much smaller (and nearly invisible) as we trust in our Lord who is on the throne. And it's at that moment we choose to be counter-culture and trust in the Lord, despite the circumstances, that you and I become victors – not after we walk out of the fires (Daniel 3:16-18). My God is able to deliver and He is there with us each step of the way (Psalm 34:17)!

Will you believe with us that God can change the situation and past history's impact for our son? That we can all lean into Jesus and become completely restored strong men and women of God?

In our own lives will we choose to walk completely blind in our faith, rather than trying to meet our needs on our own? (I know this is a daily lesson for type-A people like moi). Will we choose to become victors before we each walk into our own fires trusting our Lord will deliver (not always will He keep us from these battles, but He promises to be with us through it). Who do we really believe Jesus to be in our daily lives – great man of wisdom or Lord of our lives? Dig deep and chew on this with me or share what living your blind faith out and choosing victory looks like on your journey with those around you.

Sugar Hill Church Orphan Care ministry loving local orphans through Adventure Bags

 

Sixty-two back packs filled with toiletry, comfort items, and love for children in crisis were collected and assembled last night through our Sugar Hill Orphan Care ministry this Sunday night. These Adventure Bags will make their way to multiple counties DFACS offices throughout the state to bring a smile to a child placed into Foster Care out of emergency situations.

So excited to see our families get involved in sharing God's love with children they may never meet, but could mark a positive memory in their hearts in a very difficult time. Even the kiddos helped with custom drawings, origami, paper airplanes, and packing the bags.

Here are a few from the night which went so quickly with many hands!
VOTE in your comments! For who carried the most completed bags to the car – Kenny the kid or Aaron the adult? (see last two photos)