The Process of Waiting

We have been identified as a potential family for an older child just two weeks ago, for the first time since we've been approved by our state. We had to determine if we could effectively parent and resource the child's extreme behavior and special needs. As we looked into the paperwork on this particular child's needs we stretched ourselves, our expectations, and the resources we know are available to us. We pictured the day-to-day reality of parenting a child for the long-haul and possibly a lifetime. The needs were far beyond what we feel capable to handle. We know we must also consider protecting the family we have established in our home already. We prayed, our trusted prayer warriors prayed, and we couldn't get a definitive yes from the Lord. 

Our hearts are burdened by the tremendous need we have for the orphan because the world depends on itself, rather than our faithful God, and we've made a mess of ourselves. We know the Lord has a plan for each and everyone of us. But questions continually dart through our minds as we pray for a child(ren) we have never met – and possibly never will.
• Maybe God gave us this opportunity so that we can pray for a child who doesn't have anyone lifting them up in prayer?
• Perhaps God's plans are to test our faith and see how dependent we will allow ourselves to become until we are fully surrendered?
• Maybe it's to open our eyes and hearts to the desperate need we have to care for those who need a permanent family?
• Maybe it's an opportunity to discover information and digest the research we feed ourselves in the process?
• Why are people who have such evil in their hearts blessed with the birth of children?
• If we say yes to one child, we'd be saying no to another. What about the others? What other Christian families are going to step up and give the opportunity to thrive to a child who has no control over their circumstance?

Through out this process, Steve and I have tried to be aware of what the situation could look like from other perspectives. We have moved from just considering how a child will impact our lives, to what are they thinking about all of this? We have pictured what a similar scenario would be if we had had the adopted child biologically? How would this change our perspectives? I know if I were to get pregnant today, that we are not promised a child who will bond with us, or be an angel. And we aren't looking for the perfect child to join our family and add to their lives. Let's say I unknowingly had a little hellion (I've never tried spelling that word before) in my wound. As parents, are we not still committed to raise that child the best way we know how, to lean on God, others, and resources in helping them be who God has created them to be? Yes. When you decide to build your family biologically, are you not making some of your choices in blind faith – that God will provide, direct, and clean up our messes? Yes. What's the difference? Why is it so hard for people to grasp the same level of faith and commitment for a child who doesn't have someone to simply spend time with them and give them the opportunity to thrive? To a child who may never have had someone sit down with them and simply read them a book, ask them how their day went, or care when they are hurt and let them be free to express that while showing them how to do so in a healthy way?

We recently went to a meeting at Bethany Christian Services where they had foster-to-adopt and adoptive families share their stories. One older couple shared a touching moment they had immediately after adopting an older child who was near 17 (children age out of adoption at 18 yo). The girl immediately started calling her adoptive mom "Mommy," acknowledging she was a little too old to call her that name, but she had always desired to have a family, particularly a mommy. Now that she had one, she felt no embarrassment in showing that affection in her given name. So many kids desire a family so badly and they don't understand why they still wait.

My mother-in-love, who is a woman full of faith and a strong prayer warrior, gave us a picture of how she has seen God work in her life. She said sometimes the Lord asks you to move to Maryland, but he doesn't give you an address. Other times, he tells you exactly what house to move into. Could it be the same way for adoption? We know the Lord has called us to adopt as we add to our family. And although we trust He knows the child(ren) He has for us, will he direct us clearly to a child(ren) specifically? Both paths are dependent on us stretching our faith in the Lord's leading.