Lessons From a Corn Husk

Our story, our family's story, begins with a corn maze. Steve and I were friends for a year until we got lost in a corn maze together. Hey, this is a clean story people! In fact, Steve didn't share his feelings for me until later that night when watching Georgia beat Auburn during their infamous black-out game. And so, our family tradition of getting lost in a corn maze each year began. Here's a photo from that moment when Steve and I were just friends back in 2007.

We hadn't realized five years later we'd be married and have a new child added to our family. We also hadn't realized this month would be the absolute most reeling and difficult month we would experience thus far in reference to our foster son's behavior. We had to lower the bar so that he could experience success and help him move forward one step at a time. This month he has had 6 good days in a row. That's about all we saw of the tender, sweet, loving, wonderful child we have grown to love unconditionally.

When we were making memories with our boys in a local corn maze recently we were halted because we had to handle a break down our foster son was having all of a sudden admist the sea of corn. I overheard Steve share with our foster son an incredible message of love and hope. (By the way, we only call him foster son on this blog so you understand who I am sharing about since I cannot use names. We love and treat him as one of our sons.) Steve pulled a corn off it's husk and asked our foster son to hold it.

He showed him the many layers of husk that wrapped around the rows of kernels. As he pulled back the husk Steve told him all those layers are the experiences that have happened to him before he came to us. Some of those layers are very painful. Some of those layers are wonderful memories. All of those layers together has made him very angry. But as we pull back those layers, we find the corn. That's the core of who he is. As those layers cover up the beautiful, gold, nutritious, vegetable, so do his layers of pain, heartache, and anger cover up the child we know is there deep down, the child God created, and we want to see more of his core. He no longer has to hide under those layers. He no longer has to be angry.

We are saddened that he has experienced so much tragedy at such a young age, that we couldn't be there to protect him, and point him to Jesus for strength through it all. We have broken hearts for our son who has so many layers covering the beautiful, strong, healthy, loving boy underneath. But we have hope because we have Christ. And so does he.

Amongst a thunderstorm of behavior we have seen this week he settled his behavior for a moment and got real and deep at bedtime in another conversation with Steve. He asked Jesus in to his heart and admits he wants to surrender his anger to the Lord. That's a life time of a lesson, to surrender all. We will learn to surrender all, together. We are thankful he now has the gift of the Holy Spirit to help him pull back the layers and we have hope he will shine like that fresh, golden corn.

One detail I'd like to share further about this community corn maze we visited. I am all at once bewildered and appreciative of decisions the owner's of this corn maze have made in response to my speaking up.

Our family has enjoyed multiple trips through the years to the Buford Corn Maze, even brought many groups from our church as well. We enjoy passing the field throughout the year and watch the seeding, growing leading up to the Fall, and harvesting afterwards. However, this year as we drove past the field we diverted our children's eyes away because of a near 20' advertisement they had posted right on the road. In promotion of the Haunted Forest they displayed an image that would normally be found in a rated-R movie – a zombie-looking bloody man and a female. I'm sure we are not unlike many parents who understand that at Halloween companies must offer a variety of events/products for all ages, but is it too much to ask that that one image be replaced with a logo of the Haunted Forest instead of real-life horror imagery? What shocked us even more is that the corn maze is located right between two family-heavy locations with an elementary school in front and a daycare behind. I have heard other parents sharing the same concern. After contacting them about this concern we were pleased to see them value the community's concern as they replaced the image with a black and white photo of woods within a week's time frame. They thanked us for speaking up. That was in August.

This last weekend though we noticed the former image was back up. We tried to ignore it so our children wouldn't notice it, but they were rubber necking as we drove past and asked many questions about the image they are well aware of us asking for its removal. It's disheartening to see a company who we spoke so highly of acknowledging a real concern go back on their word. And for that, we will no longer be patrons. I contacted them once again about their reversed decision and the next day the woods photo was re re-placed. I'm not sure why they have been inconsistent with their decisions on advertising. I hope you understand I know we can't possibly protect our children from everything they will see and experience. But what I can impact I will keep trying.

 

Praying with expectancy, even in the harder seasons

This month has been a tough season – for all four of us. We know that trials come and go and is a part of the journey of adoption as everyone adjusts to one another, and we've had them. Our days have been up and down for five months, but this month the intensity has risen to another level. I guess we got caught off guard because our foster son had 21 days of good behavior last month so we rose the bar for expected behavior, but quickly realized he wasn't succeeding this time. We are 16 days into this month and he's only had three good days. We question our parenting again as we try to implement new styles to help a child from a hard place, but then we remember this month is a significant month for him, and realize it wasn't the right time to raise the bar. The reason? He's been in care for a year and is having anniversaries to deal with – he's grieving again and is full of deep sorrow. While the reality of his future is getting less foggy, there's still darkness to lift and healing to happen as possibility of his adoption into our family settles in. So though we may be emotionally and mentally exhausted, we recognize the new found compassion God gives us for this precious child who has suffered much. Yes he may be fighting us, but it's not about us. He's fighting all the pain he has taken in and learning how to handle it. We are here to teach him how to do that in a healthy way and surrender all of it to our sweet Lord. Thank you dear Lord for letting us be a part of this child's restoration and purposeful life you've given him, and for trusting him in our care. We are trying our best to love him where he is, trusting you with the rest.

New journeys call for new memories and we have had the joy of sharing many first experiences with our son. This month we have been able to see him try out roller skates for the first time and get lost in a corn maze with us. Soon we are taking them on a surprise trip to Disney World – and we are busting at the seams to tell them! He's also recently joined a local Cub Scouts den, and though he hasn't felt comfortable enough to join the boys in the activities, he's slowly getting there through watching them be boys together. Last night at the Cub Scouts meeting, he met two new friends, one who is a foster child himself. I am so excited he will have a friend in his den that is going through a lot of the same experiences and questions. I'm praying this will be a special friendship and bond for him. Though many painful memories may haunt him for the rest of his life, we pray that God will help him heal in a way that they hurt much less, that he can choose to be full of joy no matter what life brings him because he learns that Jesus is with him every step of the way. We pray that the new memories we share as a family will be the solid foundation he can always pull from that makes him smile and knows he is loved by many.

It may seem that we have high expectations for ourselves, for our son, and for our family. But really, we are praying with expectancy that God will remain true in His promises as He always has. We know that God can do much with even a little faith. Jesus can make a blind man see, a lame man walk, a woman clean of years of disease, a leper clean, a dead friend made alive, a cut-off ear healed, calm a raging storm, multiply the provisions we seemingly have to feed the masses, have authority over this world so that water is a solid floor under his feet, a tree made fruitful again that was once withered, and withdraw demon-possessed people out from their darkness. Jesus did these miracles by touch, through authoritative words, and many without physically being present – because He is Jesus, Lord of all. All we have to do is have faith.

Debb Marquez, a fellow adoption blogger I recently came across here, shares the difference between praying with expectations and praying with expectancy:
[The Lord] wants us to have child-like faith that He will answer ~ but He doesn’t want us to tell Him HOW or WHEN to answer our prayers! He doesn’t want us to pray with expectations of the details. He wants us to pray with excited anticipation and assurance that He will answer our heart’s cry. He just doesn’t want us to go about telling Him how to do it! {ouch!}

We have faith in God's big purposes for this child's life. After all, he is one of God's own. 

Valuing what the boys see

I love the constant reminders of what it's like to see the world through a child's eyes. Most times it's so beautiful and precious, a reminder to slow down and inhale deeply the creation of God or the little things that really are important. Sometimes, through the eyes of our foster son, we see a different picture. He is altogether sweet and precious, while also not so innocent in some ways, but he's still very much a child of God and a constant reminder of God's love and healing – nothing is wasted. As we help him learn to enjoy the innocent things of childhood, we encourage their imaginations, and celebrate the little things that are huge to them, because we see that when we value what's important to them we grow closer. And so, just as we expected, their favorite stuffed animals visited us at our workplaces a few more days after Wolfie's initial day of adventure with daddy.

Thankful the Lord cares about the cares of our world and spends these connecting moments with us to make us feel loved too. Thank you Jesus for modeling everything we need as parents.

Here's a glimpse of Wolfie & friends' adventurous day with me at work.

  

And here's a second day visit with Steve at work.

Connecting on levels big and small

Both of our boys were so ecstatic to learn of one of their dear stuffed animals adventurous day with Daddy as they asked him to take Wolfie to work with him. Our foster sons eyes lit up as he told Steve how well he took care of his Wolfie for the day. Our bio son hugged Steve and told him he really is a great daddy! So this moment marks a connecting point for us and the boys – where they continue to learn what's important to them is important to us.

You see, as you add to your family whether through adoption or biologically, parents learn of the constant struggle to balance what you do for one child and another, also learning that it can't always fully balance out. Our bio son grew up with a favorite stuffed animal, and for those who know him, you know it looks like a well-loved and worn to the threads bunny that he's had since his first Easter. She, yes it's a 'she', still sleeps with him and helps him with his boo-boos. We recorded many of her adventures with our son in a digital album we printed from over the years.

So here we are – an attempt to show our foster son how much we care about the things he cares about, no matter how small.  Now they are pleading with us to now allow all of their precious stuffed animals to shadow us on work days, one-by-one. Oh my! What have we started?

Glowing in more ways than one!

Rewards in our home don't come to the perfect, but for those who humble themselves, ask forgiveness and move on. After all God tells us in Luke 6:36 to "be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." When we mess up God allows us to feel the mess up, but He also loves us through it and forgives us when we ask for it. So we try to model this for our boys. Just as there are days where we celebrate in the pleasures of life and playing like a child with our children, we also ride the waves of loss and mourning that come with adoption because the reality of the process and changing of relationships sets in throughout our days together.

This weekend and past week hasn't been an easy one. That line has been ridden every day and it's gone up and down throughout the day as our foster son allows his life to be filtered through his emotions. But we are proud of him – he's come so far in learning how to settle down before he gets too angry, has learned to use his words, and ask for forgiveness. So he gets the reward. Friday night he had earned a Roller Skating Family Night out and although my husband and I alternated sitting on the sidelines with him coaching him to give his wheels a spin, he eventually trusted our arms enough to hold him and pull him along. That smile was well worth the work. Our other son zoomed past us throughout the night as he dared new feats like backwards skating and cutting in front of middle school girls for a giggle. Boy do we have our hands full, but we thank the Lord for His plans and for blessing us with them both. Saturday night our foster son also earned the long-awaited Glow Stick Dance Party. Steve and I didn't have to dance along with them as they were content to have a neighborhood friend over for the dance scene. And you better believe it, I grabbed a quick photo of the glowing movement before they were off to take over the back yard in the pitch black. Not only do I have a passion for photography and run a business on the side of my design work, but I also love taking pictures of my family. I have been itching to share all of the fun memories we've been building with our foster son, but for his protection I am not free to do that just yet. So, this will have to do and I'm happy to share something, no matter the form.

And so the boys were glowing from two nights of mayhem getting to blow bedtime out of the water and enjoy the rewards they've earned with back-to-back family nights. And Steve and I are glowing from other somethings we have to share. I received the call I've been sharing about in my last couple posts. The call – the one where we learn where our next step is, toward adoption for our beloved foster son, or not. At first I was just told we would be having a face-to-face meeting this Thursday and when asked of any updates, a hesitant pause was heard over the phone, and then his case worker simply stated it needs to wait until Thursday when we can discuss it in person. I hung up a little disheartened and ready to text my husband to pray along with me. As soon as I was she had called back and said she couldn't do that to us – as we've already been sitting on the edge of our seats for 2.5 months waiting for this call. She shared that we are moving forward on adoption! And so, my Monday feels a lot lighter. I got the green light to add him to our Disney travel plans for November and can't wait to share with them the surprise of Disney we have been busting at the seams to tell them. I laugh to myself now when I remember our foster son asking us when he first moved in four months ago, "Do you people ever go on vacation?" Well we've been ready to go, we just had to wait as we were told he may be removed from our arms before we planned to leave for the trip. But no more waiting!

Though we are trusting God with every step of this process, it has been grueling. Your heart gives it's all, but in the back of your mind you try to prepare yourself for the potential loss. So, nothing is finalized, no dates have been set, there is still much of the process ahead, but this was a huge step forward. As I was sharing with some of our family though, as we celebrate we need to be mindful that with adoption also comes loss. Though we want to celebrate we must remember our foster son's need for mourning. It must be so difficult to dig through the emotions of feeling love, safety, healing in some directions, and the connection you have with your biological mom/family, their love and memories. It will take years I'm sure to deal with the realization of rejection and choices that put him in this place, in our arms. And that breaks our hearts. So we will mourn and celebrate with him. However that journey looks for him I pray that God will give us exactly what he needs so that he can deal with these roller coaster emotions in a healthy way and that we can remain a positive support and unconditional love for him even if he takes out his emotions on us. So we glow, we continue to wait, we pray, and we mourn together.

Thoughts from Empowered to Connect Conference

[Romanticizing orphan care and adoption is so very easy and tempting to do.
But orphan care and adoption always involve suffering. Just ask any birthmother or a child who is one of several hundred orphans in an international orphanage or a family that is experiencing the high-ups and low-downs of the adoption process or the family that is overwhelmed by the challenges of the post-adoption journey. There is no such thing as orphan care and adoption without suffering. There is, however, redemption, healing, and hope promised by our Lord.]

We just got back from traveling to Nashville, Tenn. for the Empowered to Connect Conference where 1000+ parents were equipped with hope and answers to the many questions each family navigates toward healing for. We heard many stories from families who have walked this journey for years, how they leaned on God to strengthen their marriage and family while they worked through challenges, and heard the more answers than questions now available to adoptive and foster families. We walked away challenged to research and dig more, to be better parents, to love through more compassionate eyes, and simply encouraged. We met several foster families from our area for lunch, thanks to our awesome adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, who connected us for the trip.
We met some families who are about to begin this journey and others who have traveled through it for 20+ years – and we all walked away with something practical and encouraging. Dr. Karyn Purvis, who authored "The Connected Child", was the main speaker. If you haven't read her book yet I encourage you to do so. We purchased her entire set of DVD's from her lecture series where she teaches at Texas Christian University and from her research of case studies - which we plan on sharing in our church's Orphan Care ministry so we can learn together. This post is worth bookmarking and coming back to as I have listed a lot of solid info. I gathered from attending this conference.

Some of those practical tools given to parents I'm going to share here - not just for those who are on the adoption journey, but we found it helps us improve our parenting overall. We've realized there are some things we have done right, by pure instinct or God-led or trial and error, and there are other tactics we need to toss and implement healthier ones. We will be reworking our parenting for both our biological and foster sons, becoming more aware of their spirit, broken or hurt, having more compassion and seeing life through their eyes, as we do our best to coach them toward healthier lives.
It was encouraging to learn so much of the neuroscience and psychology behind why our brains function the way they do, how trauma impacts our brains function, and how every bit of what we learn is already biologically ordained. 

Here are some of my notes I thought you may find helpful as you look at how you choose to parent:
• The biggest thing we walked away from this conference with is to keep your hands to the plow. Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God," Luke 9:62. Keep researching, learning, digging, discovering, connecting with your child(ren). There are answers. Many of the families we heard from shared how much more answers, support, and understanding come with time and as Dr. Purvis put it, "Isn't it great with science catches up with God?"
•  Keep a journal for a week. Identify difficult moments, triggers, predictable issues. (We actually began this a few weeks ago and it really does give a clear overall picture)
• We must remember that children from hard places have missed thousands of hours of nurture, parental investment, and giving of their voice. Give children voice and you will not lose authority or respect, you will gain it. If early care fails, everything else downstream fails with it. No matter what age your child comes into your family, they need to be given what was biologically ordained.
• Neglect is just as harmful as abuse. Abuse says, "I don't like you," while neglect says, "You don't matter."
• "Good parenting is recognizing a child's need and deferring to it." (Sharing power) Dr. Karyn Purvis
• The human brain takes two years to learn self-regulation – don't let up. Adoptive child needs you with them, not just by them or nearby. Kids from hard places come to us in survival mode. We need to continue connecting with them while teaching them to self-regulate.
• "I though it was all about making him mine, but it was about the journey to me becoming all his." – Michael Monroe (paraphrase; Tapestry - Adoption/Foster Care Ministry of Irving Bible Church)
• "The professional is your empowerment tool, you as parents are foster/adoptive child's vessel of healing." – Dr. Karyn Purvis (paraphrase)
• Since kids from hard places live in survival mode they can have a hair trigger stress system. Have compassion, remember it doesn't mean they are a bad kid and when their need is met their behavior is regulated. The highest risk kids are also the most tender-hearted, but often resort to the most aggressive survival strategies that look like bad behavior. Seeing behind the behavior is a difficult thing to do in the moment. Under the violence is deep sadness.
• Be aware of the body, soul, and spirit. If we don't have connection, nothing else matters because we are creatures for connection for we have a God who tends to all of our needs. The more connecting  you do, the less correcting needed and vice-versa.We have seen a basic need for H2O in our foster son. When he's about to get more angry we offer him water or tend to his other needs - and he immediately settles down. It's amazing to watch. We learned that dehydration effects the cognitive area of the brain and the metabolism. If dehydrated it will fire glutomate internally which is responsible for depression and violence. It was suggested that hydration, food, and sensory activities should be practiced every two hours. We take away the child's need for aggression and violence (survival skills) by meeting their needs and giving voice, which helps them heal. The gift of voice is the first gift that needs to be given back to them.
• Children perceive what you're communicating mostly from your warmth and tone of your voice, 65% body language, 1/3 tone. Only 7-8% perceive from your actual words. Talk less, listen more and connect. Use slow words, firm tone, strength in your body language. When danger drops, drop yourself back, ask for more words/their voice, ask for compromise/two positive choices.
• Coach your child(ren) to respond better. Be proactive and positive – rather than stopping action, child begins to stop intention. Find the right words that speak life values repeatedly to their age level. You want them to listen and obey when we ask, not threaten:
"You wanna try that again with kindness/respect?"; "Listen and obey the first time"; "You want a do-over/re-do?"; "Do you want to ask me for a compromise?"
We give a primitive brain stem message because the kids we serve can only process a small amount of info. at a time. The region of the brain that tells you are safe and can connect with others enables you to use your words.
• Create/Connect/Correct through play. We have noticed with our foster son that if he gets in his "no" mode there is nothing we can do if we continue to fight the yes/no battle – he simply turns up the defiancy and power struggle. Instead, we have learned to offer him choices or a compromise and you can almost "see" him coming down from the protective mountain and moving away from his "fight, flight, or freeze" mode. Child doesn't need more control, they need more connection. When they act up, we tend to raise structure when we really need to raise nurture. Do your children believe you by what you say or by what you threaten? 
 • If your child needs structure, you give them nurture and you impede growth; If your child needs nurture, you give them structure then you impede trust.
• Caregivers often can't see the needs of their kids in their care because they haven't healed from their own history. Pay attention to the trends/memories/associations from your past that impact your parenting – love them through their journey, you have to be on your own road to healing. "If you don't pay attention to way you're paying attention to you will not see a change." – Curt Thompson
• The design in nature, biologically ordained, is for a child to whimper and a caregiver to respond. Those responses from the caregivers are saying "yes" to the child. We say thousands of "yeses" to a little one in the first two years of life before we have to say our first no. These yeses are what build trust. For the child that did not get all those "yeses", it takes about one month per year of age of the child of intense therapeutic mentoring and support to bring a child from a hard place to healing and trust.
• During pregnancy is the most dramatic stage of brain development, therefore, the most potential damaging time for a child if mother is under stress. Other major stages of brain development are during first year of life, and ages 5, 8, 12, and 16.
• Feeling valued and safe gives you seratonin which is major ingredient for self-regulation. Eye contact gives you a slope in dopamine which can bring joy, pleasure, memory, and learning. Other things that raise seratonin are touch, nutrition, carb-complex foods, giving voice, and sharing power.
• Don't let your expectations manage you. Flexibility is your friend, expectations are your enemy.
• If your child's anger makes you angry you can't be emotionally available to help him. You are there, but not with. We were called by God to enter in and He is with us. "I will come to you," promises our Lord. Lay down your expectations so you can be your child's resonator. "I hear you, I see you, I feel you, I experience you. I want to understand, tell me more."
• Behavior is an expressed need, misbehavior always has a purpose/function. Stop wind and rain when your child uses words, not behavior in expressing need.
• Research proves brain chemistry is changed with human touch. Find a "bridge" activity.
• Did you know there are calming and alerting foods we eat that talk to our brain chemistry? Sweet foods are calming (hello, chocolate!) and sour foods are alarming. Water is key for hydration.
• 90% of behavior is stopped at the spark, not the blaze.
• Kids can forgive us for our mistakes when they know our heart is with them. This will carry them through. If you have a child older than 20 min. you've likely already messed up, it's ok.
• There is no child that cannot come to deep healing.
• "In understanding the call to adoption know 1. It won't be easy; 2. It will be worth it; 3. Because of numbers 1, 2, don't go at it alone." – Amy and Michael Monroe. God equips the called.
• "I wish I would have known to treat him like a newborn, and not try to play catch-up." – Debra Jones, founder of www.parentingadopteescantrust.com
• Read ch. 7 of "The Connected Child," and discover what your parenting style is
• This conference is the first place I have ever heard of Trust-based Parenting. Look for fear and pain behind the behavior, help the child self-regulate and find their voice.
• Commit to learning and "un-learning"
• Develop a T.E.A.M. (T - Therapist and Counselors; E - Extended Family and Friends; A - Academic Environments and Support; M - Medical Providers)
• Help build confidence, let them know they can win. Mark each task as good and one-forward step. Set them up for success, no matter how low you have to lower the bar initially. Don't wait until perfection in behavior to take off, expect they want to be connected and lead the way.
• Connected Discipline vs. Distancing Discipline: Time-in vs. time-out; bring the child closer vs. sending him away; resolution vs. consequences; problem solving vs. lectures and sermons; advocacy stance vs. adversary
• You may find a favorite strategy in parenting, but it's important to layer them. Dr. Purvis has used 17 tools in 5 minutes before.
• In some instances, an immediate re-do brings shame so just let it go until they self-regulate and know they're precious and safe, then discuss the re-do of behavior for memory correction. Choose nurture before structure.
• Handle "trama"versaries by welcoming their story. Embrace their grief, don't try to fix/edit their painted roses story. They'll eventually open up to the reality of the pain experienced. Let them know their feelings are normal. Be sensitive in knowing these moments can be trigger moments and also opportunities for connection.

As for our boys, we can't just ask anyone to watch our foster son. Though my mom is a state-approved caregiver for him, she isn't approved to watch him overnight. We wanted to protect his fear of going to a random respite care family – nearly each time he's moved to the next foster home he was told they went on a trip of some kind and he didn't see them again, and he's finally made it home to us, his sixth home away from home – we couldn't bare putting him through that as we wanted him to be reassured we were coming back for him after our weekend away. So, thank you to our dear friends who are also on this foster-adopt journey with us. He knows their family and their kids well, and they were open arms to watch him for the weekend. The transition went smoothly for both drop-off and pick-up, and he never questioned our return for him. He knew he was with safe people and he's learned to trust us. Thank you Andy and Lea for helping settle our hearts for our first weekend away from him, for taking in our other son too, and for the cool tie-dye shirts :) Before we left for the conference our foster son wished for us to stay home. We explained how we were going to learn how to be better parents, but he pleaded that we are already great parents. His sentiment melted our hearts, but we reminded him how all of us are always learning from one another.

As we walk with deep joy through "the sufferings of this present time" (Romans 8:18-23) for God's glory and the good of children needing families around this globe.

Choosing to celebrate while we wait

As I shared in the last post, each day we can find ourselves rolling through triage, celebrations, and waiting for answers. The last four days have been so good, almost like our lives in our home are reflective of the fresh fall air that is sweeping through our area or the beautiful sunrises I've seen the last few mornings. On the behavior chart our son has earned four stickers for the last four days – that doesn't mean he's been perfect, because who is, but if a disappointment came his way he settled it quickly and didn't outrage. He shared his feelings with a simple, "Aw man!", and kept going. He didn't filter his anger on everything and everyone. Successful step and we let him know it. So we celebrate. If he gets three more days of stickers we are having a Glow Stick in the Dark Dance Party in our Family room. He can't wait.

But then we have a visit from our foster-to-adopt specialist, and a phone call from his case worker. Still no news, except paperwork to fill out that says we agree with the standard process of removing him from our home if someone should step up in his family to adopt him. It saddens me to read about the time he'll need to say his goodbyes to us, his friends, and teachers. We know there's a chance we may not be able to adopt him, but little reminders like this make it sink in, deeply. We don't have time to grieve, we have to keep celebrating, triaging when necessary, and praying for God's best, whatever that is.

We celebrate all the little moments that are BIG. Like when he calls us mom or dad, not that we are a replacement, because we are not, but we serve that role right now and we are special to him; Or when he wants an extra hug after our family prayers; Or when he wakes up and smiles after we tell him how handsome he is and it's a new beginning each day; Or when he earns the 'Good Samaritan Award' by doing something kind for another without being asked; Or when we catch him opening up his Bible to read or pray on his own (I've seen him kneeling by his bed privately in his room); Or when he waves me down and runs at me with full force when being picked up from school and shares with me about his day; Or when he draws a picture of his family and includes us; Or when he says, "I love you." These are monumental moments in his growth and our relationship with him. I know God celebrates in every moment we spend with him too.

No triage this week. I hesitate to almost type those words as if it would jinx us. But he's halfway through working towards that Glow Stick party and I believe in him, that he won't live defeated, that he will keep striving to the reward. And, if I can manage to get some pictures of that, since the lights will be out, I may be able to post them. The movement of the lights can show the excited activity without revealing faces. I wish I could make this blog more visual from this journey, but that will have to do for now.

So we celebrate and wait to see the determined choice for this child's outcome which only God knows. Again I say, thank God He knows.