Depth Perception

While working away on any design project at work, I often tune into podcasts that integrate enough background noise in my environment to keep me refreshed while sitting at a desk, but it's intentional noise that tunes me into the heart of God all day.

And so this is what I've taken away from my recent time with God, podcasts, and last week's sermons I've heard at Sugar Hill Church (see "From Victim to Victor" here). In the midst of living out my faith blindly, really blind, and seemingly against all odds of what today's culture says, I'm choosing to remember:

• God wants to restore our depth perception. (See, the photo progression above illustrates how as my thumb gets closer to the eye my visual or perceived problem doesn't seem so big. Just as the framed quote suggests, "the real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." I'd like to add a very important spiritual element to Marcel Proust's wise words. Just as we get closer to the Lord, our problems don't seem so big – it's all about depth perception.)
• God is bigger than anything we or our children are going through.
• Denial in what is going on is not the same as living with faith.

We got some very big news last week for a step forward along this adoption process. A couple on answers we have been praying over for ten months, but with the excitement also came a wave of anxiety as all the what-ifs started swirling in my head. Phone call after phone call with authorities don't seem to help me put all the puzzle pieces together yet, instead it brings more questions.

I want to teach my children and live my faith out choosing to not live in fear of our individual history or the unknown future. To do this, it's key to place ourselves in a position close to the Lord daily so that our depth perception of the what-ifs is so much smaller (and nearly invisible) as we trust in our Lord who is on the throne. And it's at that moment we choose to be counter-culture and trust in the Lord, despite the circumstances, that you and I become victors – not after we walk out of the fires (Daniel 3:16-18). My God is able to deliver and He is there with us each step of the way (Psalm 34:17)!

Will you believe with us that God can change the situation and past history's impact for our son? That we can all lean into Jesus and become completely restored strong men and women of God?

In our own lives will we choose to walk completely blind in our faith, rather than trying to meet our needs on our own? (I know this is a daily lesson for type-A people like moi). Will we choose to become victors before we each walk into our own fires trusting our Lord will deliver (not always will He keep us from these battles, but He promises to be with us through it). Who do we really believe Jesus to be in our daily lives – great man of wisdom or Lord of our lives? Dig deep and chew on this with me or share what living your blind faith out and choosing victory looks like on your journey with those around you.

Sugar Hill Church Orphan Care ministry loving local orphans through Adventure Bags

 

Sixty-two back packs filled with toiletry, comfort items, and love for children in crisis were collected and assembled last night through our Sugar Hill Orphan Care ministry this Sunday night. These Adventure Bags will make their way to multiple counties DFACS offices throughout the state to bring a smile to a child placed into Foster Care out of emergency situations.

So excited to see our families get involved in sharing God's love with children they may never meet, but could mark a positive memory in their hearts in a very difficult time. Even the kiddos helped with custom drawings, origami, paper airplanes, and packing the bags.

Here are a few from the night which went so quickly with many hands!
VOTE in your comments! For who carried the most completed bags to the car – Kenny the kid or Aaron the adult? (see last two photos)

 

Building up arsenal for uncertain times

Lately I've felt surrounded by conversations in our families, on the news, and in my work lunch room that used to not be so normal – talk of prepping for a dooms day or for the day when our economy and government fail us because it feels much closer than it has in the past. It seems everyone is building up for themselves protection and living more in fear than what God originally intended. The supply and demand for guns is at a peak while the President is determined to push legislation through to control self-protection. There's a reality show of those who are preparing for these unknown times – complete with bunkers, communities of people of various skills, learning to live off the land, and make their own bullets. The anxiety can be contagious.

And each day as I go to work in prep for another day of battle I slip on my winter coat when Georgia decides to bring a gust of cold. In my warm pocket my fingers feel a bumpy circle the size of a dime and I'm reminded to pray. See, years ago, our biological son was into all things cowboy. Those memories are so precious as I picture him running around in his undies, cowboy hat or boots, and cap gun. One winter I found an unused ring of caps from his arsenal in my winter jacket pocket, and there since it has stayed serving as a constant reminder to pray over him and our foster son. I know they love doing all things 'boy'; and I love their fun and wild spirits. My husband and I also know as their parents the Lord has entrusted them to us and we must claim authority over their lives as their spiritual mentors and pray they acquire every spiritual weapon needed for life's battles.

God speaks to His own in many ways, sometimes in a strong gust and other times in a quiet place as you walk closely with Him. We usually want the obvious clear answers that knock us down, don't we? I know I walk more confidently in His direction when I get those type answers, but then we wouldn't have reason to get still and close to Him.

I was just reminded three times this week how God is ever-present, consistently by our side urging us to join Him. He may be fighting the spiritual battle for us or allowing us to be sifted like wheat in order to draw us near to Him – all from his complete picture window. While the Lord is working, we wait, endure, or celebrate from our mini-picture view not knowing what's on the other side.

I can't help but see the correlation God has been showing me this week that in every battle we have spiritual weapons which are greater than whatever we can prepare our storehouses with on this earth. You may or may not be familiar with some of them – prayer, truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, and the Spirit (See Armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-18). However, I learned of a new spiritual weapon this week while reading, "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore and also during church worship this week on this very same topic (Listen to "Battle to Believe" free podcast here). Think God is trying to teach me something? The weapon of peace – our offensive weapon against the kingdom of darkness. Sometimes I choose to cling to these spiritual weapons daily, but I'm a planner and it seems more natural in my humanness to slip in allowing the enemy to keep peace and other promises from the Lord from me as I attempt to prep for the unknown future from my limited perspective.

Let this settle into your soul:

"In the battles of life, your peace is actually a weapon. Indeed, your confidence declares that you are not falling for the lies of the devil. You see, the first step toward having spiritual authority over the adversary is having peace in spite of our circumstances. When Jesus confronted the devil, He did not confront Satan with His emotions or in fear. Knowing that the devil was a ilar, He simply refused to be influenced by any other voice than God's. His peace overwhelmed Satan. His authority then shattered the lie, which sent demons fleeing."
Francis Frangipane, The Three Battlegrounds quoted from the book by Beth Moore Praying God's Word

So, while we choose to prepare for this life's failings with physical storehouses, I choose to listen to God's constant nudging to choose His peace as my better weapon.

Recommended Reading: Beneath the Tall Tree

Review from the bookshelf

Beneath A Tall Tree

Author: Jean A.S. Strauss

I enjoyed a break in the fact/stat-giving informative books as I picked up this incredibly moving human story. In fact, I read it in a day because I couldn’t put it down. The writer gives you detailed glimpses of her life from the time she was born, adopted, and her journey of tracking down her life history and family tree throughout her greater adulthood.

It gave me a good understanding and empathy for a person who has their identity hidden from them. I understand the natural, driving desire to connect with one’s roots which doesn’t imply any negativity toward either the birth or foster/adoptive familes – it’s just part of who they are and the child has the right to know their life history. One reviewer put it quite well, “Strauss bares her soul in this fascinating adventure about her life. Besides being enormously helpful to adoptees, it provides a deep, raw look into the mindset of an adoptee…”. She also gives valuable insight into the feelings of other members of the family circle. This book illustrates that you can have more than one set of father/mother/siblings. She has not forgotten her adoptive family that raised her, but she also appreciates the family ties of her birth family as they found themselves in the reunion process.

I liked the metaphor of the book’s title representing her adoptive dad as the tall, strong tree. On the cover it’s an old black and white photograph of the author as a child and you see a elongated adult shadow standing beside her. That shadow is her adoptive dad as he was always the one taking the pictures rather than actually being in them most of the time, of which I can relate. Behind that image is the symbolism of his strength and character traits he’s instilled in her as they developed a special bond over the years.

Awkward things

I am not immune to awkwardness. I spill coffee or salsa on my best clothes. I stick my foot in my mouth sometimes. I grew up a much smaller child than many and a very late bloomer so boys (and girls) were not so nice always so my self esteem took a while to come together. I attended ten different schools, and moved into seven different homes with my family until I went off to college (no we weren't a military family, just job promotions). I got proposed to twice by the same guy in college who later left me for another after our son was just a year old. I have been a single mom and remember what it was like when people stare at my left hand while I hold my child assuming they know my story. I have had four last names in my life time which all tell more of my story - now however, my last name matches my husband now. My biological son has a different last name because changing it should be his choice. My foster son has another last name because that will be his choice as well if we are blessed to add him to our family legally. My foster son doesn't even have the same skin color as we do, though not too far off from us with a good tan. So I'm not immune to the awkward glances or forth-right questions people let spill off their tongues before they think. And that's ok, really, because God knows my story, He's been a part of it all the whole way, and He loves me. Some of you who are close to me know my story too, and many of you have been great friends for me during the more difficult times.

Really none of this has ever been my story, it's been the Lord's. He has a plan to work through it all. I've seen it and continue to experience Him. So awkward scenarios are not new for me. And I'm grateful because the Lord has given me a new compassion for others in the same place. He has taught me how I need Him leading my life, and not myself. I'm grateful because now when my boys come home and tell me they're picked on at school for their size or last name I understand. I can empathize with them and make them giggle when I share my embarrassing stories – they know they're not alone. Not only because their mama went through a lot of the same awkward stuff, but because they can hear stories of how I did my best to lean on the one and only who's over all of this stuff. I can stand for them when they're friends tease them for having different color skin as I share with them how to explain to their curious friends what really makes a family is not last names or skin/hair color, but that you love and care for one another with unconditional love. If you're a Christian then you're a part of an even bigger family of faith too with one Holy Father.

We have expressed to our foster son what a golden heart he has inside, what a wonderful man of God we know he is growing to be and the great, big plans the Lord has for him, now and in the future. We have told him we believe he will one day make a great husband and father too. How great would it be for him to use the hard life experiences he's healed from because of the Lord walking with him, to raise up foster and adoptive children in his home? He could relate to their awkward stuff even more than we try to for him, because he's lived it. He could walk them through the harder days and point them to Christ every step of the way. He told us, "No way would I ever be a foster parent!" We asked him why not and he said, "Because the kids would be like me!" How we laughed together because we all know this journey isn't easy for any of us, but it's still full of healing and joy. I've also learned through a podcast just today I need to quit praying for what I want. Instead I should be praying for the child that needs me. If faith can only claim conquest and not have the ability to endure then I only have half faith. I need to grow deeper in love with what God wants for me, rather than arrogant or self-centered prayers, or misunderstanding blessings. Truth is, in the middle of all the awkward and difficult stuff, He promises to sustain me, give me joy that surpasses my understanding, use me mightily, and in the end I will see the blessings.

So we're grateful for the awkward stuff together because it draws us closer to the Lord.
 

Moving ahead is hard, but doing it together

What we need right now is stability from the court. In the meantime, we can offer our children stability in what we have control over – our schedule, faith, and character. In the adoption process, though, there is so much waiting for final answers so forward movement in the heart can happen. Though our foster son's ties to his first family won't be lost, it will forever be different, and gaining a family in the middle of that healing is a gift he's not sure how to receive. Pictured is one of the last times he called us by our first names. The last 3+ weeks it is more often he calls us Mommy and Daddy and it blesses our souls to be integral people in his life.

Court progress
Back in November, I prayed to God asking for any update on the process and the very next day we got an answer! Our foster son's case manager said she had turned in the paperwork verifying they have sought out all family members who could be approved to take in this child in order to raise him in a healthy, safe, and loving environment. It's now been determined adoption is to happen outside of the related family. So we as his foster parents get the next option to take him in and we are thrilled to do so. Termination of parental rights (TPR) will be approaching soon and then we can move forward with the adoption application, after yet one last opportunity for the related family to appeal the ruling. We were originally told the date could be in January, but with no word yet it could be February now for TPR. We do have another panel review in court this month so perhaps we'll hear more of an update then. The court date could be 2-3 months out depending on how backed up court is. However we are praying it will happen sooner! We expect the adoption to be final by May, hopefully. Thank the Lord for answering our prayers each step of the way.

Moving ahead is hard for our son
While we wait for the legal process of adoption to move forward, we know we must do our part to move ahead in our home as it is essential for healing. Yet so many days our little guy is torn between the love and chaos of his past and his love and hope for the future.
- He often times voices his desire for both worlds to work.
- He has wondered if his mother could move into his bedroom so we could take care of her too.
- He has wondered if the judge could change his mind after a ruling or if in time he could eventually return to his first home.

Hearing these desires is difficult for us as parents because we know his desires often are not what's best for him. Isn't this true of us as God's children as well? We don't see how the past was not healthy or not normal, and we don't see the big picture for our future. Only God knows and He is sovereign. As our child learns to trust us for his future, we trust in the only One who can bring full restoration and hope for him.

Moving ahead is hard for us
Moving ahead despite the obvious hardships is unconditional, but it hasn't been easy for us. Sure this child of God is incredibly easy to love, to picture him as a part of our family forever, coming home for the holidays when he's an adult, watching him flourish in his life relationships, and grow as man of God. There are many times, though, especially since October when it's been difficult to see the big picture that God sees, past the daily battles which seem to linger longer than our energy, patience, and understanding. Though we strive to learn everything we can about loving a child from a hard place, the psychology of re-training his brain to understand what healthy love and relationships look like, and have stepped into parent-coaching classes while he gets intensive therapy, many moments we doubt our judgement in how to implement what we've learned.

- We sometimes are not sure how long these more intense days will last or if we are really making a difference in his healing.
- What about his threats that are really cries out for us to see if we are still here, how far will they go?
- We certainly can't handle all his pain on our own. It is complex and deep, but we know God is bigger. He just has to be willing to surrender, will he?

Sure we see the impact on the good days, but it's in the hard ones we feel we are sinking and God asks where is your faith? I AM here. Bring your flasks for oil and I will fill again and again. This battle is the Lord's and He will fight for him, for us. We just need to have faith in His timing and His sovereignty to meet all of our needs – our foster son's needs, our bio son's needs, my husbands, and mine. We are all in this. 

Trying to understand
Though he comprehends the main reason why he was placed in foster care, he doesn't acknowledge all the poor lifestyle choices that led his family to this dark and broken place. He knows he will be adopted and though he loves us he still holds on to his first family in many ways.

- He has learned that adults need to learn how to put their own two feet under them by getting the help they need. Adults must begin making healthy changes in their own lives before they can be responsible for any others.
- He doesn't understand how years of poor choices for the parents themselves or for the children being raised has taken its toll on all in the home in every aspect – spiritual, mental, physical, and verbal. Or how that means he will be digging through those experiences, learning which of those is good and which is bad, for years to come, steps at a time.
- He doesn't yet understand that we really do love him UNconditionally, though we've shown it time and time again through each test he puts us through for eight months now.
- He doesn't understand yet that his grief and anger means he is really scared, sad, and feels he must take on his own protection.
- Though he has asked Jesus into his heart a couple months ago and we celebrated baptism with him this Christmas Eve, he questions how he can have so much anger inside and still be a child of God. The gift of grace is too simple and he feels too complex, but he really wants the Lord to help him along. He will one day truly see that his heavenly Father is there each step of the way for him to lean on.

New Year's resolutions
Though the inner struggles will be there for his wrestling for many years, the Lord gives us new mercies with each new day. And a new day has come upon us with the rising of 2013. His New Year resolutions which he came to us with are so beautiful and telling of the hope growing in him.

He had three:
1. Spend time in the Word each morning for five minutes
2. Pray to God each day to help with anger
3. Give 10% to God

How beautiful, right? And on this third day, he's still committed to them. One step at a time his hope grows and the Holy Spirit is at work. This is what we hold on to while we move ahead, together.

Lessons From a Boo-Boo

Lately we have experienced a number of days of our foster son's hardest days since he's been in our home. It's been real tough and we have felt down, overall. But even in the trials we always have hope because we know that the Lord is fighting for all of us – we are not alone in this spiritual battle over our dear little one. Our son is not alone in his battle over surrendering his pain, anger, unforgiveness, past, and future – we know Jesus is carrying him and will get him through. 


My husband never ceases to amaze me at the incredible parent he has become. When we first met I was a single mom with a 2.5 year old. Even now he fears holding new babies because they might break in his arms. For years I had prayed for an incredibly good looking, yes I included my human desire, and a man who loves God, me, and my son. And our paths crossed, for which I will forever hold on to as a blessing from our sovereign Lord. Now we are both parents of a seven and eight-year-old boys, together.

I recall recently one particular moment when our foster son was able to calm down from a melt down spurred by something beyond his control. Steve took advantage of that time to teach him how his pain and anger was like the boo-boo on Steve's elbow (he got from his fall when we took the boys roller skating).  He taught him the biology of how the body was created to heal an injury with a scab. He shared with him that many times we try to help the body heal faster with a little ointment and a band-aid. My heart melted when I heard Steve say, "Son, Mommy and I are here to be your ointment and band-aid. You have to let us help you. We are sorry for the boo-boo you have inside, but that boo-boo didn't come from us. We wish we could have been there to protect you so that you weren't hurting inside so." Steve then pointed to the paper award chart we have on our fridge which our foster-son tore up into pieces in the heat of his anger and threw at me. Once he settled down we found him taping it back together and re-hanging it on the fridge. Steve told him that though he taped that paper together it's not quite the same, it looks different, but it can still be used for good. Our wounds on the inside, which we can't see, can't simply be taped back together because it takes much more time to heal. The healing of our wounds on the inside can't even be sped up with ointments and band-aids. We need each other and God to help get us through and make us complete again.


I am so thankful for Steve, his heart for our children, and his desire to point them to the Lord in every opportunity we can. I am thankful on this difficult journey where we are confident we will see beauty come from ashes, as we've seen in our lives many times before, that we have hope in promises from our creator. We are not alone. We will win this battle with God's hand on us. Please continue to pray over all of us.

I recently posted about my personal boo-boos on my Facebook page so that my friends and family could know how to pray for our current struggles: I have about 6 DVDs on how to parent a child from a hard place, 10 books on adoption and Christ's unconditional love, books on being a prayer warrior and leading your kids to Christ, therapists giving us and our foster son lame tools for handling his behavior, and case managers telling us he is not our son – in fact, he is the state's child though we love him as our own. We can't do anything to stop his behaviors with any amount of control, other than rewards and consequences, because all else of being a parent is against policy. So we feel like helpless parents. Forget all the books and psychological seminars that we can't seem to find time to delve into right now. I need my Lord first!
 
And God has been pouring out His love for me by showing me His promises that heal time and time again. 

A sweet co-worker who saw my post pointed out to me a lovely woman in the Bible who was faced with loss, love, and legacy – Ruth. There were two women who were faced with a decision on their journey. Orpah wept and went away and Ruth wept and moved forward. Kelly Minter adds, "The apostle Paul wept, but didn’t allow his grief to stop his forward motion while the rich young man walked away from Christ with great sadness. It’s difficult to point a finger at Orpah or the rich young ruler because we too may have turned back in the face of loss or adversity. But how great the honor and reward of Ruth and Paul who, in their tears, kept walking forward."

I'm claiming God's promise in Isaiah 58:8-12 for our dear son:
Then your light will appear like the dawn, and your recovery will come quickly.
Your righteousness will go before you, and the Lord's glory will be your rear guard.
At that time, when you call, the Lord will answer; when you cry out, He will say, 'Here I am.'
If you get rid of the yoke among you, the finger-pointing and malicious speaking, and if you offer yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted one, then your light will shine in the darkness, and your night will be like noonday.
The Lord will always lead you, satisfy you in a parched land, and strengthen your bones.
You will be like a watered garden and like a spring whose waters never run dry.
Some of you will rebuild the ancient ruins; you will restore the foundations laid long ago; you will be called the repairer of broken walls, the restorer of streets where people live. (Isaiah 58:8-12 HCSB)

Psalm 94:16-19
"Who stands up for me against the wicked? Who takes a stand for me against evil doers? If the Lord had not been my helper, I would soon rest in the silence [of death]. If I say, 'My foot is slipping,' Your faithful love will support me, Lord. When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy." 

Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I'm trying not to be consumed with the current issues, but I've also got to hunker down and be my kid's biggest fan and prayer warriors in this season too!