What a difference a day makes

What happens when you submit your plans to the Lord? He opens your heart for more than you thought you could handle or imagine. Sometimes that takes years, sometimes it takes only days.
This adoption journey has taken both.

We learned from others who've been down this adoption road that the journey is a lot of waiting. But then, seemingly out of the blue, waiting turns into rushing. And possibly then some more waiting.
• One day we were waiting for an adoption with an unknown timeframe.
• The next day we received a phone call from Bethany Christian Services asking us if we would be open to consider taking in a foster child, with the possibility of adoption. We prayed, and we listened.
• That week we learned more about the child's case and needs; felt God asking us to keep going.
• At the end of that week we met our foster son for lunch, and took him home the next day for a sleepover weekend.
• The following weekend he graced our home with his abundant smile, excitement, and need for consistent love and affirmation that everything is going to be ok – "God's got your back."

So there we were swarming around doing errands, final preps in our home for safety and to make him feel at home, planning summer camps and care, telling work my time off that I've saved up is going to be used quicker than we thought, asking family and friends to cover all of us in prayer, and beginning the meetings with case workers, therapists, and research on how to parent children with his background.

We are now five and a half weeks in after our foster son moved in and we know we are right where we are meant to be. I knew there would be ups and downs of course, but I'm not sure I realized how up and down a day in itself could be. My four weeks off with the boys has helped transitions, established routines, boundaries, and expectations of behavior so I'm thankful I had that time. The days are getting better as far as anger response, but a lot of what we taught seems to have gone in one ear and out the other – we have to remind ourselves that habits may have been established long before we met though. Overall, our boys are getting along well and we're all learning each day.

Raising two boys is fun. I get my fill of creature hunts, rock and stick collections, explorative hikes,  wrestling tickle matches and discovering them high up somewhere, usually in a tree or at the top of the stairs daring a jump to prove how tough they are. The hard part of parenting our foster child, whose last seven years we haven't known, is reaching the heart and making a difference despite the storms inside.
We know anger is pain in disguise – but children don't see it that way. Instead they live in the present while we help them heal from their past. So while every home-cooked meal may seem unappealing to our foster son who refuses to eat because it simply looks different; or if there's competition driven by jealousy in rewards earned or in a game our boys are playing; or in the pride that rises up in a young child so much so that he can't ask for something in a kind manner or be respectful because deep down he sees that as losing control; or when the storms inside are expressed through angry words to hurt those who desire to help you, we must remain patient. Patient with unending love, stability, and safety because they are key in helping him heal over time. Some children only need families for a little while, some need them for longer - whatever our season is with him we choose to love. It heals eventually. We hang on to that to get us through the tougher moments.

These nearly daily anger outbursts seem to be over little mundane issues - like what's fair, what's right, and if a child only cares about himself then what he gets or doesn't get is all that matters to him. But we know he has the unfortunate addition of former unhealthy relationships, deep losses a child shouldn't ever have to experience, and the ongoing pain that is related to all of it. But we also believe in the Lord who is above all and can overcome anything we cannot even imagine possible! 

Though we know God is walking beside us in this, we question our parenting – are we doing this right? Are we getting through? Does he know we love him unconditionally when we say we do, and does he believe it?

A friend shared with me that, "The Word of God is the only word that can change hopelessness into hope, hurt into healing, and distrust into a full embrace. Pray God's Word out loud over Him every day. God's Word can rescue his little heart!" What tremendous wisdom.

In the storms, there's real peace knowing you're where God wants you though there are many unknowns. Our Lord has a big picture heart – I'll keep hanging my heart on that so that our peace will remain.


Our summer so far has been full of activity: from nature camp where the boys get to stomp in creeks, discover the stars that God created, and cook biscuits using solar energy, to a camp taking care of animals who need a family to adopt them into their home, to a week of VBS (we listen to the CD every day in the car – yay!?), trips to the library, nearby parks, and times with friends and family at the pool and in the home. I hope these days don't pass in the heart of our boys – I hope these days are treasured memories, but more than that, times where our foster son can draw from as he grows into a young man. I hope these times will be etched into his heart as he remembers unconditional love and safety can exist in a family and within a relationship with God. 


I pray that these days are making a difference. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it takes only days.