Lessons From a Corn Husk

Our story, our family's story, begins with a corn maze. Steve and I were friends for a year until we got lost in a corn maze together. Hey, this is a clean story people! In fact, Steve didn't share his feelings for me until later that night when watching Georgia beat Auburn during their infamous black-out game. And so, our family tradition of getting lost in a corn maze each year began. Here's a photo from that moment when Steve and I were just friends back in 2007.

We hadn't realized five years later we'd be married and have a new child added to our family. We also hadn't realized this month would be the absolute most reeling and difficult month we would experience thus far in reference to our foster son's behavior. We had to lower the bar so that he could experience success and help him move forward one step at a time. This month he has had 6 good days in a row. That's about all we saw of the tender, sweet, loving, wonderful child we have grown to love unconditionally.

When we were making memories with our boys in a local corn maze recently we were halted because we had to handle a break down our foster son was having all of a sudden admist the sea of corn. I overheard Steve share with our foster son an incredible message of love and hope. (By the way, we only call him foster son on this blog so you understand who I am sharing about since I cannot use names. We love and treat him as one of our sons.) Steve pulled a corn off it's husk and asked our foster son to hold it.

He showed him the many layers of husk that wrapped around the rows of kernels. As he pulled back the husk Steve told him all those layers are the experiences that have happened to him before he came to us. Some of those layers are very painful. Some of those layers are wonderful memories. All of those layers together has made him very angry. But as we pull back those layers, we find the corn. That's the core of who he is. As those layers cover up the beautiful, gold, nutritious, vegetable, so do his layers of pain, heartache, and anger cover up the child we know is there deep down, the child God created, and we want to see more of his core. He no longer has to hide under those layers. He no longer has to be angry.

We are saddened that he has experienced so much tragedy at such a young age, that we couldn't be there to protect him, and point him to Jesus for strength through it all. We have broken hearts for our son who has so many layers covering the beautiful, strong, healthy, loving boy underneath. But we have hope because we have Christ. And so does he.

Amongst a thunderstorm of behavior we have seen this week he settled his behavior for a moment and got real and deep at bedtime in another conversation with Steve. He asked Jesus in to his heart and admits he wants to surrender his anger to the Lord. That's a life time of a lesson, to surrender all. We will learn to surrender all, together. We are thankful he now has the gift of the Holy Spirit to help him pull back the layers and we have hope he will shine like that fresh, golden corn.

One detail I'd like to share further about this community corn maze we visited. I am all at once bewildered and appreciative of decisions the owner's of this corn maze have made in response to my speaking up.

Our family has enjoyed multiple trips through the years to the Buford Corn Maze, even brought many groups from our church as well. We enjoy passing the field throughout the year and watch the seeding, growing leading up to the Fall, and harvesting afterwards. However, this year as we drove past the field we diverted our children's eyes away because of a near 20' advertisement they had posted right on the road. In promotion of the Haunted Forest they displayed an image that would normally be found in a rated-R movie – a zombie-looking bloody man and a female. I'm sure we are not unlike many parents who understand that at Halloween companies must offer a variety of events/products for all ages, but is it too much to ask that that one image be replaced with a logo of the Haunted Forest instead of real-life horror imagery? What shocked us even more is that the corn maze is located right between two family-heavy locations with an elementary school in front and a daycare behind. I have heard other parents sharing the same concern. After contacting them about this concern we were pleased to see them value the community's concern as they replaced the image with a black and white photo of woods within a week's time frame. They thanked us for speaking up. That was in August.

This last weekend though we noticed the former image was back up. We tried to ignore it so our children wouldn't notice it, but they were rubber necking as we drove past and asked many questions about the image they are well aware of us asking for its removal. It's disheartening to see a company who we spoke so highly of acknowledging a real concern go back on their word. And for that, we will no longer be patrons. I contacted them once again about their reversed decision and the next day the woods photo was re re-placed. I'm not sure why they have been inconsistent with their decisions on advertising. I hope you understand I know we can't possibly protect our children from everything they will see and experience. But what I can impact I will keep trying.

 

Praying with expectancy, even in the harder seasons

This month has been a tough season – for all four of us. We know that trials come and go and is a part of the journey of adoption as everyone adjusts to one another, and we've had them. Our days have been up and down for five months, but this month the intensity has risen to another level. I guess we got caught off guard because our foster son had 21 days of good behavior last month so we rose the bar for expected behavior, but quickly realized he wasn't succeeding this time. We are 16 days into this month and he's only had three good days. We question our parenting again as we try to implement new styles to help a child from a hard place, but then we remember this month is a significant month for him, and realize it wasn't the right time to raise the bar. The reason? He's been in care for a year and is having anniversaries to deal with – he's grieving again and is full of deep sorrow. While the reality of his future is getting less foggy, there's still darkness to lift and healing to happen as possibility of his adoption into our family settles in. So though we may be emotionally and mentally exhausted, we recognize the new found compassion God gives us for this precious child who has suffered much. Yes he may be fighting us, but it's not about us. He's fighting all the pain he has taken in and learning how to handle it. We are here to teach him how to do that in a healthy way and surrender all of it to our sweet Lord. Thank you dear Lord for letting us be a part of this child's restoration and purposeful life you've given him, and for trusting him in our care. We are trying our best to love him where he is, trusting you with the rest.

New journeys call for new memories and we have had the joy of sharing many first experiences with our son. This month we have been able to see him try out roller skates for the first time and get lost in a corn maze with us. Soon we are taking them on a surprise trip to Disney World – and we are busting at the seams to tell them! He's also recently joined a local Cub Scouts den, and though he hasn't felt comfortable enough to join the boys in the activities, he's slowly getting there through watching them be boys together. Last night at the Cub Scouts meeting, he met two new friends, one who is a foster child himself. I am so excited he will have a friend in his den that is going through a lot of the same experiences and questions. I'm praying this will be a special friendship and bond for him. Though many painful memories may haunt him for the rest of his life, we pray that God will help him heal in a way that they hurt much less, that he can choose to be full of joy no matter what life brings him because he learns that Jesus is with him every step of the way. We pray that the new memories we share as a family will be the solid foundation he can always pull from that makes him smile and knows he is loved by many.

It may seem that we have high expectations for ourselves, for our son, and for our family. But really, we are praying with expectancy that God will remain true in His promises as He always has. We know that God can do much with even a little faith. Jesus can make a blind man see, a lame man walk, a woman clean of years of disease, a leper clean, a dead friend made alive, a cut-off ear healed, calm a raging storm, multiply the provisions we seemingly have to feed the masses, have authority over this world so that water is a solid floor under his feet, a tree made fruitful again that was once withered, and withdraw demon-possessed people out from their darkness. Jesus did these miracles by touch, through authoritative words, and many without physically being present – because He is Jesus, Lord of all. All we have to do is have faith.

Debb Marquez, a fellow adoption blogger I recently came across here, shares the difference between praying with expectations and praying with expectancy:
[The Lord] wants us to have child-like faith that He will answer ~ but He doesn’t want us to tell Him HOW or WHEN to answer our prayers! He doesn’t want us to pray with expectations of the details. He wants us to pray with excited anticipation and assurance that He will answer our heart’s cry. He just doesn’t want us to go about telling Him how to do it! {ouch!}

We have faith in God's big purposes for this child's life. After all, he is one of God's own. 

Valuing what the boys see

I love the constant reminders of what it's like to see the world through a child's eyes. Most times it's so beautiful and precious, a reminder to slow down and inhale deeply the creation of God or the little things that really are important. Sometimes, through the eyes of our foster son, we see a different picture. He is altogether sweet and precious, while also not so innocent in some ways, but he's still very much a child of God and a constant reminder of God's love and healing – nothing is wasted. As we help him learn to enjoy the innocent things of childhood, we encourage their imaginations, and celebrate the little things that are huge to them, because we see that when we value what's important to them we grow closer. And so, just as we expected, their favorite stuffed animals visited us at our workplaces a few more days after Wolfie's initial day of adventure with daddy.

Thankful the Lord cares about the cares of our world and spends these connecting moments with us to make us feel loved too. Thank you Jesus for modeling everything we need as parents.

Here's a glimpse of Wolfie & friends' adventurous day with me at work.

  

And here's a second day visit with Steve at work.