Rewards in our home don't come to the perfect, but for those who humble themselves, ask forgiveness and move on. After all God tells us in Luke 6:36 to "be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." When we mess up God allows us to feel the mess up, but He also loves us through it and forgives us when we ask for it. So we try to model this for our boys. Just as there are days where we celebrate in the pleasures of life and playing like a child with our children, we also ride the waves of loss and mourning that come with adoption because the reality of the process and changing of relationships sets in throughout our days together.
This weekend and past week hasn't been an easy one. That line has been ridden every day and it's gone up and down throughout the day as our foster son allows his life to be filtered through his emotions. But we are proud of him – he's come so far in learning how to settle down before he gets too angry, has learned to use his words, and ask for forgiveness. So he gets the reward. Friday night he had earned a Roller Skating Family Night out and although my husband and I alternated sitting on the sidelines with him coaching him to give his wheels a spin, he eventually trusted our arms enough to hold him and pull him along. That smile was well worth the work. Our other son zoomed past us throughout the night as he dared new feats like backwards skating and cutting in front of middle school girls for a giggle. Boy do we have our hands full, but we thank the Lord for His plans and for blessing us with them both. Saturday night our foster son also earned the long-awaited Glow Stick Dance Party. Steve and I didn't have to dance along with them as they were content to have a neighborhood friend over for the dance scene. And you better believe it, I grabbed a quick photo of the glowing movement before they were off to take over the back yard in the pitch black. Not only do I have a passion for photography and run a business on the side of my design work, but I also love taking pictures of my family. I have been itching to share all of the fun memories we've been building with our foster son, but for his protection I am not free to do that just yet. So, this will have to do and I'm happy to share something, no matter the form.
And so the boys were glowing from two nights of mayhem getting to blow bedtime out of the water and enjoy the rewards they've earned with back-to-back family nights. And Steve and I are glowing from other somethings we have to share. I received the call I've been sharing about in my last couple posts. The call – the one where we learn where our next step is, toward adoption for our beloved foster son, or not. At first I was just told we would be having a face-to-face meeting this Thursday and when asked of any updates, a hesitant pause was heard over the phone, and then his case worker simply stated it needs to wait until Thursday when we can discuss it in person. I hung up a little disheartened and ready to text my husband to pray along with me. As soon as I was she had called back and said she couldn't do that to us – as we've already been sitting on the edge of our seats for 2.5 months waiting for this call. She shared that we are moving forward on adoption! And so, my Monday feels a lot lighter. I got the green light to add him to our Disney travel plans for November and can't wait to share with them the surprise of Disney we have been busting at the seams to tell them. I laugh to myself now when I remember our foster son asking us when he first moved in four months ago, "Do you people ever go on vacation?" Well we've been ready to go, we just had to wait as we were told he may be removed from our arms before we planned to leave for the trip. But no more waiting!
Though we are trusting God with every step of this process, it has been grueling. Your heart gives it's all, but in the back of your mind you try to prepare yourself for the potential loss. So, nothing is finalized, no dates have been set, there is still much of the process ahead, but this was a huge step forward. As I was sharing with some of our family though, as we celebrate we need to be mindful that with adoption also comes loss. Though we want to celebrate we must remember our foster son's need for mourning. It must be so difficult to dig through the emotions of feeling love, safety, healing in some directions, and the connection you have with your biological mom/family, their love and memories. It will take years I'm sure to deal with the realization of rejection and choices that put him in this place, in our arms. And that breaks our hearts. So we will mourn and celebrate with him. However that journey looks for him I pray that God will give us exactly what he needs so that he can deal with these roller coaster emotions in a healthy way and that we can remain a positive support and unconditional love for him even if he takes out his emotions on us. So we glow, we continue to wait, we pray, and we mourn together.
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