Happy one-year anniversary my son

One year has passed since you, our son, moved into our arms and home. With all that we have experienced, grown, conquered, blossomed, and learned together it feels like many more moons must have come and gone, but in some senses it seems just like yesterday too.

Love at first sight
I remember sitting in an office with a big conference table waiting to meet you for the first time. As I looked around I wondered why a room used for introducing children to a family had gray walls and a big wood table. I imagine a bright room with a comfy couch with books and stuffed animals – would feel less intimidating, don't you? So as we sat there along with several other adults who had titles like County Case Manager, County Supervisor, Therapist, and Foster Care Specialist, we just wanted our title to be Parents to you – you who needed a safe and loving place to come home to. We soon spotted a pair of shoelaces and the tips of your shoes because you were hesitant to reveal your handsome face to yet another new family. We understand you have already been through so much before entering foster care and you were tired of meeting new faces who wouldn't stick around very long, after all we were family #6 not counting the family you were born into. Your big, brown eyes finally rounded the corner and we encouraged you to sit in a chair next to us. You know daddy has many skills, one being his origami which you have always loved. You were very impressed with his flying swan he made and quickly showed us a new paper popper you had learned that day at school. The paper was a heavy cardstock and bigger than all of our faces combined so it was a very loud pop that rang outside that conference room which broke down walls with laughter. As we began talking with you about the work you were showing us from school you asked if you could draw a picture of us in your journal. You are quite the artist you know! Our hearts melted when you showed us your drawing of all four of us (including the brother you haven't yet met, but were excited to meet) playing Beyblades. We later enjoyed lunch together and said bye to you for the day until we came to pick you up the following day to spend the weekend together.

That first weekend we introduced you to all your new surroundings, hoping while you got to see your new room and neighborhood that you were learning a little about us too. It was the perfect weekend – just lots of one-on-one time and hanging out as a family. That Sunday on Mother's Day you got to meet your brother for the first time. Your big brother couldn't contain himself, he was so full of excitement and immediately handed you a bracelet that matched his. Later you gave him a bracelet of yours that said 'Best Friends Forever' and since then you both have formed what you boys call a sweet "brothership". You love like brothers and you fight like brothers; you back each other up,  take care of one another if one is hurting in some way, and pray for one another. A week later after school was finished, on May 18, you moved in officially. I am so thankful I was able to take off four weeks from work to invest in you minute-by-minute during your first summer with us. What a joy those memories we shared together are!

Love sees through the layers
As time passed you slowly opened up to us about things you deal with on a daily basis that unless healthily expressed we don't realize how deep your pain can be. Hopefully you know by now through thick and thin we are here with you. Just like daddy explained to you in Fall when we were wandering through a corn maze together, the corn is sweet and golden on the inside which we find when we pull pack the layers of husks covering it. The husks help the corn grow, but it must be peeled back so we can enjoy the fruit. We know it hasn't been easy to live in the world you have been a part of, but bigger than you and your past and future is your Savior Jesus – He is with you always sweet boy!

What a year this has been for all of us as you and your brother learn to share life with someone more than yourself and as we learn as parents to guide the two incredible children of the Lord we have been given. Though you were first seven years old when we met you, we have enjoyed many of your firsts with you!

These are a few of your firsts ever:
• Being a part of a church community
• Learning to swim
• Interviewing on a radio show
• Learning how to spend time with Jesus
• Keeping three banks for your hard-earned chore money: Give, Save, and Spend
• Being wowed at Disney World
• Surviving your first bad roller-coaster experience which made both you boys cry: Space Mountain and your favorite roller-coaster experience which you rode several times: Mt. Everest 
• Reeling in your first catch when fishing
• Trying out sports such as Tennis and Soccer
• Living it up at summer Camps at a nature center and the Humane Society
• Enjoying your first Minor League Baseball game
• Scoping out Stone Mountain 
• Jamming to your first music concert and getting an autograph: Jamie Grace• Exploring with Cub Scouts
• Learning how to roller skate
• Having a sleepover with friends
• Being a part of a couple mission projects locally to give to other foster children; and internationally as you filled a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child
• Asking Jesus into your heart! Getting Baptized!
• Dying eggs at Easter
• Seeing the beach, smelling salt air, and playing in the ocean 

Wow – we've had some incredible times! Thank you for allowing us to see you, really see you as Jesus created you to be. Many times you shine with your love, humor, tenderness, thoughtfulness, strength, and His light from within. Some times we walk through harder days together and that's alright to feel all the feelings you do – we love you and see your light still, even on the cloudy days. You are God's child of light to us. Thank you for trusting all of you to us. It's just been a year already – I can't even fathom what the Lord will be teaching us as we continue to walk side-by-side together my sweet son. And though we still wait for the legal finalization of adoption, you will always be a part of us. Always – Google x Google + more whatever you say!
"But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

I love you son.

Love, Mama

Living out of a suitcase

Though we try to make our days "normal" for our family of four, we still find it filled with a slew of appointments or putting out fires for and with our foster son – truth be told, I often feel like my foster son's full-time secretary of defense and calendar planner. As parents we are called to fight for what's best for our children and sometimes we are heard, or see steps toward healing and progress, and sometimes we feel like we have experienced a setback. 

In the midst of trying to make our days feel normal I often get shook up by surprise. Sometimes it's a phone call telling us something we have understood is no longer valid – that's when the rug feels pulled out from under us. Sometimes it's a moment when our foster son reminds us of his past through his fierce behavior or even in a sweet time we share.

Just yesterday, as both of our little guys were packing their suitcases for a weekend visit with friends so that we can celebrate our wedding anniversary, I popped my head into each room to see how they were coming along. (Packing is a step in many ways which we are giving our boys more responsibility for themselves.)

Our biological son finished quick – and I should've known there was a reason to that rhyme. He is a master at taking his time with most tasks. He filled his suitcase with clothes from his dirty laundry basket – underwear and socks included! Seriously? Where have I gone wrong with this child I thought. Most days we find ourselves enamored by his intelligence and imagination ... why does he think dirty clothes is a smart way to pack?

Then I popped my head into our foster son's room and he was zipping his suitcase up. I double-checked his packing job and it was perfect. Everything he needed for the weekend and a few extras. He is a very smart child as well yet opposite of his brother in some ways – doing most things quick and right the first time. I pulled out my camera phone and told him I wanted to take a picture of each of them with their suitcases to remember the first time they've ever packed by themselves. Then my world slowed down all of a sudden with our foster son's response, "This isn't the first time I've packed a suitcase." Wow – I stand corrected. Flashbacks of him sharing his transient life before coming to live in our arms are suddenly remembered. 

No wonder our biological son doesn't know that dirty underwear and socks aren't great options for packing. I have always packed for him and washed his clothes before we gave him these added responsibilities. 

And no wonder our foster son packed so perfectly – he has moved through five families while in foster care before moving into our home. He has told us of his many moves his biological family made in his short years before that too. Then another memory of him sharing his fears early on strikes my heart again. He once had questioned if he moved back home, where would he go? How would he get all of his stuff on the local bus? How would they get the money they needed for gas, to wash clothes, and buy food? Many months ago we found him still hoarding onto new clothes and toys we have given him because he was saving it for the next place. He wanted to be sure to have a nice outfit with the tags still on. We have showed him that he needs to enjoy these things, eat the food we have and when we run out or gets worn out it can be replaced. Just because it's gone doesn't mean it's gone forever. Just because I went away for a work conference a couple weeks ago for three days doesn't mean I am gone forever. Just because there may be family issues that arise where one of us may have showed frustration doesn't mean you have to fear safety or protect yourself. We always are connected by our heart strings and unconditional love which God modeled for us. Needs can be restored and we always return as a family.

He doesn't have to hold on to those fears in our home, but the memories are still very strong remnants of what his life path used to look like. I asked him to place his hands in mine and as I looked into his deep, beautiful eyes. I tried to go deeper with him to reflect his feelings of what it was like to live in such a transient world. All he could muster up in that moment was say his memories are of sad and scary times. I reminded him that we hope the last time he has to pack to move to a family was the time he packed to come into our arms. With possible adoption rounding the corner, we hope this step will help him feel more secure as he hopefully becomes a part of our family legally in the Fall which can't come soon enough.