Living out of a suitcase

Though we try to make our days "normal" for our family of four, we still find it filled with a slew of appointments or putting out fires for and with our foster son – truth be told, I often feel like my foster son's full-time secretary of defense and calendar planner. As parents we are called to fight for what's best for our children and sometimes we are heard, or see steps toward healing and progress, and sometimes we feel like we have experienced a setback. 

In the midst of trying to make our days feel normal I often get shook up by surprise. Sometimes it's a phone call telling us something we have understood is no longer valid – that's when the rug feels pulled out from under us. Sometimes it's a moment when our foster son reminds us of his past through his fierce behavior or even in a sweet time we share.

Just yesterday, as both of our little guys were packing their suitcases for a weekend visit with friends so that we can celebrate our wedding anniversary, I popped my head into each room to see how they were coming along. (Packing is a step in many ways which we are giving our boys more responsibility for themselves.)

Our biological son finished quick – and I should've known there was a reason to that rhyme. He is a master at taking his time with most tasks. He filled his suitcase with clothes from his dirty laundry basket – underwear and socks included! Seriously? Where have I gone wrong with this child I thought. Most days we find ourselves enamored by his intelligence and imagination ... why does he think dirty clothes is a smart way to pack?

Then I popped my head into our foster son's room and he was zipping his suitcase up. I double-checked his packing job and it was perfect. Everything he needed for the weekend and a few extras. He is a very smart child as well yet opposite of his brother in some ways – doing most things quick and right the first time. I pulled out my camera phone and told him I wanted to take a picture of each of them with their suitcases to remember the first time they've ever packed by themselves. Then my world slowed down all of a sudden with our foster son's response, "This isn't the first time I've packed a suitcase." Wow – I stand corrected. Flashbacks of him sharing his transient life before coming to live in our arms are suddenly remembered. 

No wonder our biological son doesn't know that dirty underwear and socks aren't great options for packing. I have always packed for him and washed his clothes before we gave him these added responsibilities. 

And no wonder our foster son packed so perfectly – he has moved through five families while in foster care before moving into our home. He has told us of his many moves his biological family made in his short years before that too. Then another memory of him sharing his fears early on strikes my heart again. He once had questioned if he moved back home, where would he go? How would he get all of his stuff on the local bus? How would they get the money they needed for gas, to wash clothes, and buy food? Many months ago we found him still hoarding onto new clothes and toys we have given him because he was saving it for the next place. He wanted to be sure to have a nice outfit with the tags still on. We have showed him that he needs to enjoy these things, eat the food we have and when we run out or gets worn out it can be replaced. Just because it's gone doesn't mean it's gone forever. Just because I went away for a work conference a couple weeks ago for three days doesn't mean I am gone forever. Just because there may be family issues that arise where one of us may have showed frustration doesn't mean you have to fear safety or protect yourself. We always are connected by our heart strings and unconditional love which God modeled for us. Needs can be restored and we always return as a family.

He doesn't have to hold on to those fears in our home, but the memories are still very strong remnants of what his life path used to look like. I asked him to place his hands in mine and as I looked into his deep, beautiful eyes. I tried to go deeper with him to reflect his feelings of what it was like to live in such a transient world. All he could muster up in that moment was say his memories are of sad and scary times. I reminded him that we hope the last time he has to pack to move to a family was the time he packed to come into our arms. With possible adoption rounding the corner, we hope this step will help him feel more secure as he hopefully becomes a part of our family legally in the Fall which can't come soon enough.